Help Helps!

 

Years ago, I added Yoga to my daily startup routine. I enjoy it because it helps me get in the right frame of mind to start my day. It’s a form of meditation as well as stretching. I prepare my mind and my body for the day. Anyway, not too long ago, I decided to add a couple of minutes of meditation, which I’m not very good at, to begin each session. I do this via an audio recording of the Yoga Master Rodney Yee.  

    It's almost interesting that I found that although those additional two minutes of pure meditation, which are just a clip from the rest of the audio recording, are meant to help me relax and just be, before I do, it’s very difficult for me…until Sensei Lee starts talking and tells me to do what I was supposed to be doing without his guidance. Once he tells me to relax, I do so much more effectively. Help helps.

 

    I grew up in a culture where being “manly” was how I was supposed to behave. Serving in the military didn’t help that. Especially as a senior leader. I learned to “power through” whatever ailed me. I was a leader, by God, and leaders don’t let their followers see them sweat. (I even said that to some of my proteges.)

 

    There’s nothing wrong, and a lot RIGHT, with seeking help. Most of us aren’t so good that a little help might not help us empower ourselves to be even better. Sometimes we call those helpers accountability partners, sometimes we call them coaches. We even call them physicians and mental health providers. My best help, though, is my bride. She guides me a LOT! Except when we have to decide where to have lunch….

 

    I coach and mentor many folks. None of those relationships are formal. I just do it for them as needed and wanted. And, interestingly, they coach and mentor me in return. 

 

    Humans are relational beings. We need help to be our best selves. Unfortunately, there’s a stigma attached to seeking it. I’ll go out on a limb and say that it’s probably more difficult for men to seek help than women. Women are a lot smarter than men. That’s the truth!

 

    If you aspire to be a leader, especially an Effective Leader, you’re going to need help. None of us does it alone. Speaker and author, René Brown, talks a lot about vulnerability and its importance to our health. Effective Leaders are vulnerable. And their followers appreciate them for it.

 

    I’m going to continue to strive to reach enlightenment for a couple of minutes without Master Lee every morning. I’m not sure I’ll reach it. But I do know that I’ll come closer once I hear his voice. Help helps! Seek it when you need it. Unapologetically! We all need it. It will help you be a better you. And we need you to help us be us!

 

      Until next time, Be GREAT! You ARE!

 

                     ¡HEIRPOWER!

 

bob vásquez!

 

Real Success!

I hope you’ll make time to read a book by Viktor Frankl titled Man’s Search for Meaning. It will open your eyes to many things you hadn’t thought about before.

In the introduction, Frankl writes that “success must not be pursued, it must ensue.” The word, ensue, if you’re not familiar with it, means that it is a result of something. When we pursue, we set our sights on that thing, and if we’re “truly focused,” that’s what we’re engulfed in doing. When something ensues, it’s almost a serendipitous conclusion that’s based on behaviors and actions that affect others more deeply than the conclusion itself.

I’m going to go out on a limb and state that all of us want to succeed. The important questions are "At what? and “How?” I recently saw a poster that read “Great leaders don’t set out to be a leader…they set out to make a difference. It’s never about the role - always about the goal.” I’m not sure who said it, but I think that’s what Frankl meant as well. The goal, or success, being making a difference.

Leading requires passion. Effective Leaders are passionate about helping others empower themselves to become who THEY can be, not what the “leader” wants them to be. Another great quote I recently came across says, “The first thing you should know about me is that I am not you. A lot more will make sense after that.” Again, an unknown author.

If your goal or your purpose, your measure of success, is how many people you’ve turned into you, or a semblance of you, that’s not success. Success in leading is when a person becomes who they were meant to be, and you, somehow, helped them become so.  

My life’s purpose is to help others achieve theirs. Not mine. I know that my purpose may not be everyone’s. It took me decades to figure that out. I encourage you to consider that even if you don’t agree with someone else’s purpose or mission in life, it’s okay. As My Brother, Dave Campanale, taught me, get over it!

Whether you’re leading at work or at home, figure out what your followers dream of becoming, respect them for it, and help them out as best you can. The world needs all of our successes, not just the ones we consider right.

Real success is making a difference. That difference is in helping others be themselves.

Be GREAT! You ARE!

HEIRPOWER!

bob vásquez!

Mentors and Mentoring

 

Mentors are important! Some of my mentors don’t know they are…my mentors, that is. I’ve had several, and still do, each of whom has mentored me in different areas of my life. My longest-standing mentor is Chief  Master Sergeant (Retired) John Sterle, who was the first to see me as a Chief. I’ve tried to emulate him since I first met him. Not sure I meet the mark, but I’m still giving it all I have.

Sometimes, we become mentors without knowing it, like Simon Sinek, Stephen Covey, Don Miguel Ruiz Jr, Robin Sharma, DJ “Eagle Bear” Vanas, Dr Tom Boyd, Mother Theresa, and others are to me.

I remember, then Master Sergeant Al Thompson, who was the Commandant of the Airman Leadership School at Kapaun Air Station in Germany, inviting me to speak to his students just after I’d arrived at Ramstein Air Base. He’d attended my Noncommissioned Officers Academy at March Air Force Base California, while I was the Commandant there. I accepted his invitation. I was struck by his introducing me as his mentor of many years. I didn’t know! We’d kept in touch, and I suppose I’d guided him once in a while, but I didn’t know I had a TITLE! I was proud, of course, but a bit bumfoozled at the same time. By the way, we’ve maintained a strong relationship for decades. 

Writing is how we’re mentored and mentor nowadays. Mostly on some type of social media. I, personally, write like I speak. I think you’d agree if we’ve ever talked face-to-face. I like the reader to feel as though I’m speaking directly to her or him. I like to read the same way, as if the author is speaking to me, specifically. That’s why I say all of the folks I mentioned above are my mentors. We have continuous personal conversations every time I read something they’ve written. I’ll admit, though, that the best mentoring is eye-to-eye, when we can listen to each other’s hearts as well as the words we exchange.

I developed a mentoring process several years ago that I may develop into a book one day, but what I want to impress upon you in this writing is that we often think a person is big enough and wise enough to mentor us about everything we seek help with. Not necessarily. Seek several mentors in their specific areas of expertise. Simon mentors me on youngsters and current leadership views, Dr Tom mentors me on spiritual issues, Don Miguel often guides me and verifies my understanding of the Toltec and Yaqui ways. DJ mentors me on my writing. Oh, I forgot Deb, my lovely bride of forty-four wonderful and fulfilling years. She mentors me on how to be a loving husband, which is the most important role I play on a daily basis. Oh! Can't forget my girls and their families. I try to mentor, not judge....

My mentors lead me in their expertise, and I’m more than willing to follow them. BJ Neblett said that “we are the sum total of our experiences.” Maybe. Don’t disregard learning from others’ experiences. Many folks near and far would be willing to mentor you. Just ask.

 

Until next time, Be GREAT! You ARE!

 

¡HEIRPOWER!

 

bob vásquez!

The TRUTH About Leading!

 

Everyone wants to be a leader! You see it online, on social media, in books, EVERYWHERE! Let me ask you the most powerful question you’ll ever be asked as a leader. Who is the toughest, yet most important person you lead? I bet you had all kinds of names and faces, maybe even events, that awaken your memory, ha? I know that I did when I first asked myself that question.

The toughest follower you’ll ever have is YOU! Yes, YOU, yourself. You see, whenever there’s a follower/leader relationship with another person, there’s more of a chance for practicing accountability. I didn’t say that there’s more accountability, but that there’s a higher possibility. Most of us will, at least, consider the consequences of not living up to a promise we’ve made to someone. But the consequences of not living up to a promise we’ve made to ourselves are seemingly excusable. I know, I’m an expert! I’m so good at excusing myself when I choose not to do something I said that I would do, that I have each excuse numbered. I’m not gonna workout today because...number four! The next day, it’s number twenty! But if I told my Accountability Partner that I’d be there at seven tomorrow, chances are I will. I make not like it, but I will. Speaking of will, that’s what it takes to be accountable to ourselves, willpower.

Let’s assume that you agree with me. How can you change yourself to fix yourself? I’m convinced that self-leadership begins with knowing what’s really important to you, your values. We always do what we think is important at the moment. Always! Make some time, or discuss your values with your Accountability Partner, and make some commitments to living by what’s most important to you daily. Your commitment to your values will drive you to discover your purpose. Once you realize why you do what you do and that it’s your purpose for your life, it will drive you. Envision what accomplishing that purpose looks and feels like. “YES! That's me!” will be your motivation. And consider how you influence others as you practice being your true self. Be careful not to let factors influence you away from your purpose, though.

Like everything in our lives, the more we practice leading ourselves, the better we’ll become at it. I’ve always said that if you can see it, you can be it. But ya gotta do the work! This is the work.

You want to be a good leader? Lead yourself first!

Be GREAT! You ARE! HEIRPOWER!

bob vásquez!

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Vision is Powerful!

 

Vision is one of the most important attributes of an Effective Leader. You probably already know that, though. But what’s critical is that you can communicate it to your followers. Now, being a wordsmith of sorts, I know that words can be powerful. But words lose their meaning when they aren’t supported by actions. They gain strength by example, by modeling, particularly when it comes to leading.

 

You’re not going to be an Effective Leader by just telling people what your vision looks like. Your effectiveness will result from SHOWING others what that means. Effective Leaders are also Great Teachers. As Admiral Bobby Ray Inman once said, “A great teacher never strives to explain his vision. He simply invites you to stand beside him and see for yourself.” Chances are, you’ll probably need to use words, but the real effectiveness will result when you can show others what you mean, when they, too, can see your vision.

 

As Thomas Edison famously said, “Vision without execution is hallucination.” If your vision is to lead a group of Effective Followers and Leaders, you have to be one yourself. And when they behave as you do in accordance with that vision, you have to explain the effects of it so that they can continue to behave that way themselves. Leadership guru, Warren Bennis said that “Leadership is the capacity to translate vision into reality.” First, YOU have to do that, and as you model that vision, as you explain and nurture it among your followers, your team will also do it. That’s the power of vision.

 

Until next time,

 

Be GREAT! You ARE!

 

HEIRPOWER!

bob vásquez!

  

When’s YOUR Bye?!

 

I’m an NFL fan only around this time every year. I watch football on Sundays because Deb makes some incredible popcorn for me. Hey! Full disclosure. One of the interesting things about some sports is what is known as a “bye.” Knowing this term is important if you want to fit in with the folks who are actual fans. Who has a bye is very important. As it should be.

 

Apple AI describes this phenomenon as “A bye week in sports, particularly in the NFL, is a scheduled week during the season when a team does not play a game, allowing players to rest and regroup. Each NFL team has one bye week during the 18-week regular season.” 

Okay, you started reading this because you’re interested in leading effectively. Well, here’s the point. WAIT! Let me tell you a story first. It’s my nature.

My family and I are stationed at Ramstein Air Base in Germany. I'm the Deputy Director of the Family Support Center, serving about 40,000 Americans in the Kaiserslautern Military Community. I'm at my office. In civilian clothes. On leave, at least officially. I'm working on my Master's Degrees at the time and have to submit some paperwork to the University of Oklahoma office, which happens to be on the top floor of the building my office is in. I head up, looking for Heidi Kennedy, the young lady in charge of that office. I submit my paperwork to her, and we start to chit-chat. She asks me why I'm in civvies. Attempting to be cute, I tell her that "you'll always know when I'm on leave because I'll be in the office in civvies." That's kinda cute, isn't it? Man, does she set me straight as she asks, point-blank, "What do you think you're showing your Airmen? That they, too, should take their leave and go to work in civvies?" Reevaluation moment right there! I never did that again. And I made sure my followers didn't do that, either.

 

I’ve always led. Always! And one of the things that I was taught that I should do to be an Effective Leader is best described by a commercial from the 60’s. Yeah, I was around then. Believe it or not. The tag line was “The best never rest.” I learned how to emulate that admonishment. I became a workaholic. All of my peers were, too. I may share my updated perspective on that thought with you sometime, but for now, I want to tell you that it’s stupid!

 

If you’re to lead effectively you have to take care of yourself, FIRST! And always. Yeah, that sounds selfish but let me tell you that you cannot give what you do not have. AND your followers are watching. They’re going to do what you do, not what you say.

 

The key to that description of “bye” is “allowing players to rest and regroup.” You HAVE to rest! You DO! Or you’ll break. You WILL! Trust me! Commit to giving yourself a bye whenever you need it. Look forward, not backward. I shoulda doesn’t work here. Put it on your calendar. RIGHT NOW! I’ll wait! Now, live up to it so that you can live longer and more effectively. When’s YOUR bye?!

 

Until next time, How bout dem Cowboys?! 

 

HEIRPOWER!

bob vásquez!

Never Assume That You Communicated!

 

The youngster in charge of a crew I had moving a ladder comes up to me and announces, “Chief, we got the ladder put up where you said to.” I trust him, but I should verify. I ask him to accompany me to where I asked him to have the ladder placed. As we get to the spot I wanted it in, I look around, but there’s no ladder there. “Where is it?” I ask the youngster, who gives me a confused look. “We put it over there,” he points to a totally different spot. “I said I wanted  it here!” I reply a little perplexed. Now, we all know that communication is a key element of leading effectively. And if you analyze that story, you’ll find that there are two communication failures. The first failure is easy to notice. The assumption is that the youngster didn’t listen to me. Or at least not attentively enough to know exactly where I wanted that ladder placed. I remember being young. My mind ran at a lot faster speed than it does now. It ain’t old age! It’s the altitude! Anyway, in my zealousness, I was intent on getting a lot done, which meant that I didn’t listen as well as I should have. I was, often, in such a hurry to get things done that I didn’t do the right things nor did them the right way, because I wasn’t listening as I should have. The first failure was a followership issue. A good follower listens! The second failure is the leadership failure. We ALWAYS, or at least almost always, assume that what we said was heard and understood. Just a few minutes ago, Deb, my lovely bride of forty-eight wonderful and fulfilling years, sent me off to get some takeout. You may be wondering what that has to do with leadership. If you’re married, you know. As I finished placing my order, the voice emanating from the squawk box asked if I had a loyalty card and suggested I give the person at the window the number. I know we have one, but I wasn’t carrying it, so I called Deb to ask her for it. She reminded me that she’d told me that she would take care of it when I got home, just make sure to get the receipt. Here’s where she went wrong, not I! She assumed I’d heard her and understood what she’d told me. NOPE! If she told me, I was focused on something else, like finding my car keys. You ever listen to someone while you’re looking for your car keys? Ain’t happening! The leadership failure we often make is in thinking that what we said was, first, heard, then understood. That’s an honest assumption, but a communication failure, nonetheless. As George Bernard Shaw said, “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” If you’re ever to be an effective follower, which all effective leaders are, you have to listen, especially if you’re being given instructions. If you’re ever to be an effective leader, you have to ensure that what you say is heard and understood. Start with talking THEIR language. Not yours. Ask the listener if she/he understood and ask them to tell you what they heard. Now, do it in a kind and professional way. If you’re rude about it, they won’t listen to you at all. Yes, communication is critical for any team to succeed. Don’t assume anything. You know what it does to you and me! 

 

Until next time, Be GREAT! You ARE! 

HEIRPOWER! 

bob vásquez!