The Bridge

“Sage,” the Listener addressed Oh, “what is the secret to being a Leader?” 

 

    “Why do you call me Sage?” asked Oh, “I am called Oh.”

 

    “Because you are all-knowing and wise, Master,” answered the Learner.

 

    “The knowing that I possess is that I know very little. I know that knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom is the merging of experience and knowledge. What I may have accrued is experience, maybe much experience, which may lead you, then, to call me old.”

 

    Not intending to be disrespectful, the Novice quickly replied, “You are not old, Sage. You are knowledgeable and experienced, hence, wise.”

 

    “I am just a Bridge,” Oh replied.

 

    “Just a Bridge?!” the Student asked, a bit confused.

 

    “That is so. I am merely a bridge. A bridge between the unknown and the known. Knowledge is created when one connects the unknown with the known,” Oh responded. 

 

    “Oh…,” said the Student, seeking to understand.

 

    “Yes, that is who I am. A bridge. A bridge between the unseen and the seen. It has been said that where there is no vision the people perish. Vision is the fruit of purpose based on values.” 

 

    “But what of experience, then?” asked the student.

 

    “Experience is the opportunity to transform knowledge that, applied, creates power, Young One,” Oh responded. “The capacity of power is generated when knowledge is appropriately and effectively applied. And becomes wisdom when it is shared.”

 

    Almost challenging Oh, the Youngster inquired, “But what if it isn’t applied, Master?”

 

    “To know, but not to do, is not to know,” replied Oh, “and know that the highest power is in giving.”

 

    “Oh…,” said the Learner, pensively.

 

    Acknowledging what the Learner had said, Oh asked, “Do you now know me, since you call me Oh?”

 

    Not quite grasping the question Oh had just ask, the Learner replied, “Almost, Master. You, then, are also a bridge between knowledge, wisdom, and power.”

 

    “That is so, Learner,” Oh continued. “My experience in connecting the unknown and the known, envisioning the unseen and the seen, and understanding knowledge deeply enough to create wisdom has empowered me to become a bridge that can create power. The highest power of all is love. The essence of love is unconditional giving.” 

 

    “Oh…,” said the Student, thinking deeply about Oh’s reply. “You are a Bridge.” 

 

    “I am a Bridge between You and Your Best Self,” asserted Oh.

 

    “But, Sage, one who knows all of these things and connects them in the form of someone else, who serves as a Bridge, is called Leader.”

 

    The Leader smiled….

 

    “Oh…!” said the Follower.

 

 

The distance between not knowing and knowing is an Oh!

Balance is a Choice!

  Here’s the good news…we CAN do it all! Here’s the bad news…not all at once!

Whoever came up with the idea of multi-tasking has messed us up as a culture. We can’t do that! There’s plenty of research on the subject that proves that we can’t do a lot of things at once. When we try to do so, we do most, if not all, of those things less efficiently. Sorry, but that’s the truth!

Knowing that, then, how do we balance work and family? First, we have to define balance. We have this vision in our heads that balance is like the scales of justice. Two parts, evenly divided, fifty-fifty. Work and family balance is almost never fifty-fifty. That is, we don’t invest fifty percent of our lives at work and fifty percent at home. Have you ever walked across a balance beam, maybe in gym class? Did you just walk across it, evenly? Or did you teeter this way and that way, until you reached the end? More the latter, right?

That’s the way we balance work and family, we teeter a little this way, then that way, then this way again, depending on what’s happening at the moment. The key, though, is staying focused on the moment, staying present and doing what should be done right now. It starts with knowing what’s really important to us, our values, and doing that as best we can.

Here’s an example. My family is way more important to me than my work. Sorry! I love you, teammates, but not that much! When my first granddaughter, Nieves, used to stay at our home, she’d come down the stairs from her upstairs bedroom and I would stop her at the bottom stair, hug her good morning, then carry her to my office, which is right next to the stairway. I’d have her sit on my lap for a couple of minutes and we’d just sit there, enjoying the mutual solitude. The choice for balance is in this…my computer, which is on the desk next to that chair, would carry on accepting emails and messages. Ding! You have mail! I had to choose whether or not to turn around and see what the message was or to sit, quietly, with my granddaughter, whom I say is more important. Man, but what if POTUS writes me asking me for my advice? I, surely, don’t want to miss that email! Where did I say balance starts? With our values! I ALWAYS chose Nieves over those emails. And you know, we both felt better having done so. 

Here’s another example. The boss comes into your office and asks you to stay an extra hour to complete a few tasks. What do you do? Most of us would agree to stay. But is that what you SHOULD do? You want to balance your work life with your family life? Choose wisely! Maybe you should tell the boss that you have plans to take your spouse out for dinner in an hour, to celebrate your anniversary. Maybe the boss doesn’t know that your daughter is performing her first ballet recital this evening. I’m convinced that most bosses would understand, them having been there, too, and would let you go. You have to choose!

Once you’ve made that right choice, focus on it. Don’t be at your anniversary dinner looking at your iPhone. In fact, leave it in the car, if you have to carry it at all. The balance in your life will come from being present with your spouse for that short period of time. The work will still be there when you get back to the office, trust me. 

Balance is a choice. Choose what’s most important at the moment and do that. Sometimes, it will be work. But not most times. Balancing work and family is going to be dynamic. When you choose to be with family, be there, not half there, completely there. Same goes for work, but you probably already have that down, don’t you?  

Balance is a choice! And it becomes a skill the more you practice it. Like most skills, it may take some effort, but, man, is it ever worth it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go say good morning to Nieves’ mom.

Until next time, Be GREAT! You ARE!

                                        ¡HEIRPOWER!

bob vásquez!

Mentors and Mentoring

Mentors are important! Some of my mentors don’t know they are…my mentors, that is. I’ve had several, and still do, each of whom have mentored me in different areas of my life. My longest-standing mentor is Chief  Master Sergeant (Retired) John Sterle, who was the first to see me as a Chief. I’ve tried to emulate him since I first met him. Not sure I meet the mark, but I’m still giving it all I have.

Sometimes, we become mentors without knowing it, like Simon Sinek, Stephen Covey, Don Miguel Ruiz Jr, Robin Sharma, DJ “Eagle Bear” Vanas, Dr Tom Boyd, Mother Theresa, and others are to me.

I remember, then Master Sergeant Al Thompson, who was the Commandant of the Airman Leadership School at Kapaun Air Station in Germany, inviting me to speak to his students just after I’d arrived at Ramstein Air Base. He’d attended my Noncommissioned Officers Academy at March Air Force Base California while I was the Commandant there. I accepted his invitation. I was struck by his introducing me as his mentor of many years. I didn’t know! We’d kept in touch, and I suppose I’d guided him once in a while, but I didn’t know I had a TITLE! I was proud, of course, but a bit bumfoozled at the same time. By the way, we’ve maintained a strong relationship for decades. 

Writing is how we’re mentored and mentor nowadays. Mostly on some type of social media. I, personally, write like I speak. I think you’d agree if we’ve ever talked face-to-face. I like the reader to feel as though I’m speaking directly to her or him. I like to read the same way, as if the author is speaking to me, specifically. That’s why I say all of the folks I mentioned above are my mentors. We have continuous personal conversations every time I read something they’ve written. I’ll admit, though, that the best mentoring is eye-to-eye, when we can listen to each other’s hearts as well as the words we exchange.

I developed a mentoring process several years ago that I may develop into a book one day, but what I want to impress upon you in this writing is that we often think a person is big enough and wise enough to mentor us about everything we seek help with. Not necessarily. Seek several mentors in their specific areas of expertise. Simon mentors me on youngsters and current leadership views, Dr Tom mentors me on spiritual issues, Don Miguel often guides me and verifies my understanding of the Toltec and Yaqui ways. DJ mentors me on my writing. Oh, I forgot Deb, my lovely bride of forty-four wonderful and fulfilling years. She mentors me on how to be a loving husband, which is the most important role I play on a daily basis.

My mentors lead me in their expertise, and I’m more than willing to follow them. BJ Neblett said that “we are the sum total of our experiences.” Maybe. Don’t disregard learning from others’ experiences. There are many who would be willing to mentor you. Just ask.

 

Until next time, Be GREAT! You ARE!

 

¡HEIRPOWER!

 

bob vásquez!

Interdependence Day

Independence Day! Fourth of July! Words that conjure up visions of neighborhood barbecues, family reunions, hometown parades, afternoon concerts in the park, fireworks and…you get the picture! Great ways to celebrate! Celebrate what? Independence? Yes. Historically, Fourth of July celebrations commemorate the anniversary of U.S. independence, but few of us really think about that as we enjoy the day, and the long weekend. Do you?

What I think about on this most important day is celebrating INTERdependence! When we use the term “United States” we usually think of a country surrounded by the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans on the east and west and bordered by Canada and Mexico on the north and south. Geographically that is correct. However, what’s really most important about the United States is its internal makeup. The People! People of diverse backgrounds and cultures that somehow accept each other, for the most part, and interact, combine their efforts, and become one nation.  

Do you remember the concept of the melting pot? It was the idea that someday all of the different cultures represented in the U.S. would combine into one. I refer to that idea in the past tense because I’m not sure anyone subscribes to it anymore. Not too many years ago another concept evolved using the illustration of the salad bowl. The idea of the salad bowl is that it takes many different individual ingredients to make up a healthy dish. Each of which is important to the whole. You can have a salad without some of the ingredients but it won’t taste the same, nor will it maintain its health value. Such is the culture of the United States. People who call themselves African Americans, Hispanics, Asian Americans, Italian Americans, Irish Americans, and the list goes on, each have their own individual histories, traditions, and cultures that, together, make us one people. We call ourselves, and each other, Americans.

There is nothing that any of us can do on a daily basis that isn’t somehow dependent on someone else to do their part. What’s made the United States a great nation is that we’ve accepted each others’ differences and have built on them. As Dr Stephen Covey said, “Unity is not sameness, it’s complimentariness.” He went on to challenge us to “celebrate the differences!”

As we celebrate Independence Day, and the freedom that comes with it, consider that the greatest freedom is the opportunity to appreciate the many different contributions our neighbors and coworkers have made to helping us enjoy the life we lead and to be grateful for that. We’re all different but we’re all the same. We’re free because of what we do for each other. Think of this day, the Fourth of July, as Interdependence Day! Isn’t this a GREAT day to be an American?!

Until next time, Be GREAT! You ARE!

¡HEIRPOWER!

bob vásquez!

The toughest leadership job in the world..

When we think of leading, most of us think of that role in professional/business terms, in the job we hold. But, having led almost all of my life, I’ve realized that leading on the job isn’t NEAR as tough as being a parent, which is the ultimate leading job. Luckily, we celebrate Mother’s Day in May and Father’s Day in June, and that makes up for all the stress and work that goes with being one... a Mom or a Dad. My Chosen Brother, Chad Ziegelbein, posted on Facebook that “Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a Dad.” Being a Dad (and Mom) is hard, Man! Here are some comparisons:

At work, you have duty/business hours! Yeah, I know some of you work more hours than you’re supposed to. But in the end, it’s a choice. Yeah, yeah, argue with me all you want. I’ve been there, and it was always my choice. Some folks will say their work requires them to work 24 hours a day, well, I ain’t buyin that! You may be on call for 24 hours, but you’re not actually working days without end. Being a parent IS a 24-hour-a-day gig! And you NEVER get a day off, EVER! NEVER! I have two wonderful daughters whom I love more than words can express. One is 44 years of age and the other 40. I remember thinking, on nights I couldn’t sleep all night worrying about them for one reason or another, how one day they’d be someone else’s responsibility, and I would be able to sleep again like I did before they were born. AIN’T HAPPENED YET! They’re both married to good men and have children of their own, but I still worry about them. Especially in this crazy world we now live in.

At work, you have rules! You know what everyone is supposed to wear and what everyone can say and do, and the consequences of not living up to those rules. One being that you can get fired! You can’t get fired from being a Mom or a Dad! Trust me, I’ve tried! You have no one to complain to when your kid doesn’t live up to the rules you set, even the ones they agreed to follow. And they don’t give you notice that they decided to change the rules. That doesn’t happen at work.

At work, you have some way that your performance is measured! Whether it’s some type of customer feedback or your periodic performance assessments, you (almost, should) know where you stand at the job. The measure of whether or not you’ve succeeded as a parent, if it ever comes, is often too late. Not that it’s always bad, but you can’t do anything about it. You expected your kid to be a doctor, but instead, became a lawyer. Man, where did you go wrong? At work, if you’re messing up, actually, usually, after you’ve MESSED up, you will hear about it. Your kids won’t tell you you’re a goofball. Well, maybe their friends will, but if your kid doesn’t tell you, you won’t believe it.

Leading at work can be tough at times. Leading a family is tough MOST of the time. Again, not that the outcome is always bad, but you have NO idea what it will be at the end. At work, the chances of producing what you’re getting paid to produce are pretty high. You hope and pray that you produce a good kid. But you’ll be wondering for a long time.

I’ve always said that the true measure of a parent’s success is this: when you tell your kid, “I love you,” and they reply, “I know.”

Be GREAT! You ARE!

¡HEIRPOWER!

bob vásquez!