Vulnerability. You’ve, no doubt, heard of that term. It’s a buzz word among speakers who talk about leadership. I shared these thoughts on my The OTHER F Word blog and podcast suggesting that it an important characteristic of Effective Followers. As I listened and read those, I realized that it’s also an important characteristic of Effective Leaders. Here are those thoughts but from the Leader perspective.
I looked up the definition of the word, vulnerability, and no wonder, people don’t understand it and attach different meanings to it! The dictionary defines vulnerability as “the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.” Whoa! I don’t want to put myself in THAT situation! Attacked? Harmed? No, way! (By the way, my official first name is José.) Luckily, there’s a second definition: “willingness to show emotion or to allow one’s weaknesses to be seen or known.” That’s better. I can almost handle that.
In my perspective, there are some acknowledgements required to practice vulnerability. Vulnerability, for an Effective Leader, requires honesty. With oneself. You know who you are, deep inside. You know what you know and what you don’t. You know what you can do and what you can’t. That doesn’t mean you can’t get better. In fact, Effective Leaders always strive to improve themselves. That leads to being effective. It’s okay to not know everything. That’s the first step. Acknowledging that. And once you acknowledge it, there’s room for growth. What don’t you know that you can learn? That’s a good question to start you on your way toward effectiveness. As for not being able to do somethings. The great philosopher, Dirty Harry, said, “A man’s gotta know his limitations.” As you get older, and, believe me, I know a lot about that, you’ll get to a point that you can’t do what you used to do the way you used to do it. And that’s okay. You can do it differently. There’s always a more effective way.
It's okay to be wrong. I’ve known so many “leaders” who always knew everything. Even when they didn’t. I put quotes around the word “leaders” because those folks were not leaders. They may have been put in the position of authority and even expected to lead, but no one followed them. Accepting that you’re wrong will go a long way with everyone around you, especially your followers. The key is to learn and grow. Not to become the smartest person in the room, but to be able to affect the success of the group you’re in the room with. The real effectiveness will come with you sharing what you do know. As Maya Angelou said, "Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better." The best way to do better as a leader, is to pass on what you know.
And really, most importantly, it’s okay to not be okay. This one is, often, the most difficult of these acknowledgements. We think that we must be strong because we’re the leader. Well, there’s some truth to that, but no one is invincible. We’re humans and all humans have a bad day occasionally. And that’s okay. One of the most powerful virtues in our culture is integrity. One of the characteristics of integrity that we often neglect is the meaning of the word. The word, integrity, comes from the word integer. If you’ll go back to high school math, you’ll remember that an integer is a whole number. Integrity has to do with being whole. Wholly you! You cannot give what you do not have. If you’re not well, all of you, you’re not going to do great work. If you’re hurting emotionally, your work will suffer. If you hurt a part of your body, that will, surely, affect how you perform. Take care of yourself FIRST! And if that means seeking help in any area of your life, do so. Don’t be fearful or embarrassed by it. It’ll probably be more embarrassing when you fail or hurt yourself even worse. It’s okay to not be okay. But seek help.
If you can’t honestly say that you’re well in each of these three areas, your effectiveness is going to suffer. Effectiveness is about being able to perform at your best continuously and consistently. Work on those three areas. Accept who you are and what you can do, and that you can use improvement, and seek help to make you better. That’s vulnerability.
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