Ask. Don't Tell!

 

We often describe the differences between managers and leaders by their methods. We say that managers manage things and leaders lead people. I agree with the description of managers. The description of leaders is, however, not entirely accurate, in my humble opinion.

 

Basically, mangers tell, and leaders ask. Managers manage processes, how things are done. Nothing wrong with that. Leaders lead persons. Individuals. “But aren’t they people?” Yeah, but…. Whenever we look at people, that is, several persons together, we see them as a group, a thing. We don’t see each person’s unique talents, values, identities, etc. They’re a thing. If you want to be an Effective Leader, you must see each follower as an individual and treat them as such. To get them to follow, ask, don’t tell.

 

Simon Sinek says that people (persons) just want to be valuable and valued. How do you express to a person that they’re valued. Individually. You can lump them together and tell them they are, but that probably won’t go too far, especially if each person doesn’t believe it, particularly if you don’t behave in a way that each feels valued. So how to do it?

 

Ask! “How are you?” asked in a sincere way will go far. Especially if you listen for the answer and act accordingly. “GREAT!” and “SUCKS!” will require different responses. “Where did you grow up?” “Where do you call home?” “Are you married?” “Do you have children?” “How’s your mom, who has been ill, doing?” You catch my drift. Those questions, especially about family express caring. Again, you have to wait for the answers. 

 

We’re the expert on us. No one else knows what we know about us, especially how we feel. We each feel valued when someone asks us about how we’re doing or how we’re feeling. Although we might argue as to whether or not feeling valued is intrinsic or extrinsic (both, actually), you, as the leader, can do your part by asking good questions. 

 

I remember being at an offsite where a speaker said something that I disagreed with. I stood up and said, “I don’t agree with that!” The speaker, in all seriousness, looked me in the eye and said, “Sure you do!” And he expected me to follow him? I didn’t. I couldn’t.

 

You can’t tell persons how they feel. The best you can do is ask them. You can’t tell people to follow you. They will, or won’t, based on whether or not they trust you, and that’s not a cognitive process, it’s a feeling, an emotion.

 

Managers tell. Leaders ask. There’s a time and place for each. Know which is appropriate and do it well.

Until next time, Be GREAT! You ARE!

                                            ¡HEIRPOWER!

bob vásquez!

Who REALLY Knows?

 

It’s interesting that most books on leadership are written by "experts." But who says they’re experts? Yeah, I know there are colleges and universities that give degrees in leadership. But who made the professors experts? Dave Logan, a leadership expert, and really fine man, signed my copy of his Tribal Leadership book, which by the way is very good, “To Chief Bob Vasquez - To a Real Leader, from one who merely pretends.”

Who really knows whether or not someone is a leader? The followers! We ask “leadership experts” for advice and guidance and always neglect those who really know, the followers!

So how does a leader know whether or not she/he is leading effectively? Ask. The followers. Yeah, that’s risky, especially if you make it personal, which leading really is. But there are some questions a leader can ask that are more about the performance. The ultimate question is, “How do your followers see you?” And the answer is valid. No excuses. Now, these questions lead to the personal part of leading, because, as I said, leading IS personal. A person leads another. But these questions, making the responses as objective as possible, can held guide you. Here they are:

What do you see as my strengths? Old thinking said that we need to work on our weaknesses. New thinking says that we should capitalize on our strengths. Work on your weaknesses so that they don’t interfere with your ability to practice your strengths, but hone your strengths, whatever your followers tell you they are.

What do you see that I could improve on? This one is difficult to accept sometimes. As my mentor, Don Miguel Ruiz, advises, don’t take it personally. Think about the behavior/action your follower is telling you, based on her/his observation, you might improve. Remember, your goal is to be a better leader TO YOUR FOLLOWERS, not to anyone else.  

What are you willing to do to help me improve in those areas? Another mentor, Dr Stephen Covey once told me, “No involvement, no commitment.” Leading is a team effort. Invite your followers to help you lead them. The result, really, is that they’ll eventually lead themselves. That’s real effectiveness…when you don’t have to worry about whether or not they’re doing what’s right. They just do. It’s their identity to do so.

What will I(we) do to help me improve? This is the real commitment question. Make an improvement plan with your followers’ help. Again, as they help you grow, they can’t help but grow, as well.

Leading can be fun. It is, especially when you succeed. Your purpose as a leader is to grow as you help your followers grow. Keep them in the mix. It’s about them as much as it is about you. And THEY really know….

Until next time, Be GREAT! You ARE!

¡HEIRPOWER!

bob vásquez!