Ask. Don't Tell!

 

We often describe the differences between managers and leaders by their methods. We say that managers manage things and leaders lead people. I agree with the description of managers. The description of leaders is, however, not entirely accurate, in my humble opinion.

 

Basically, mangers tell, and leaders ask. Managers manage processes, how things are done. Nothing wrong with that. Leaders lead persons. Individuals. “But aren’t they people?” Yeah, but…. Whenever we look at people, that is, several persons together, we see them as a group, a thing. We don’t see each person’s unique talents, values, identities, etc. They’re a thing. If you want to be an Effective Leader, you must see each follower as an individual and treat them as such. To get them to follow, ask, don’t tell.

 

Simon Sinek says that people (persons) just want to be valuable and valued. How do you express to a person that they’re valued. Individually. You can lump them together and tell them they are, but that probably won’t go too far, especially if each person doesn’t believe it, particularly if you don’t behave in a way that each feels valued. So how to do it?

 

Ask! “How are you?” asked in a sincere way will go far. Especially if you listen for the answer and act accordingly. “GREAT!” and “SUCKS!” will require different responses. “Where did you grow up?” “Where do you call home?” “Are you married?” “Do you have children?” “How’s your mom, who has been ill, doing?” You catch my drift. Those questions, especially about family express caring. Again, you have to wait for the answers. 

 

We’re the expert on us. No one else knows what we know about us, especially how we feel. We each feel valued when someone asks us about how we’re doing or how we’re feeling. Although we might argue as to whether or not feeling valued is intrinsic or extrinsic (both, actually), you, as the leader, can do your part by asking good questions. 

 

I remember being at an offsite where a speaker said something that I disagreed with. I stood up and said, “I don’t agree with that!” The speaker, in all seriousness, looked me in the eye and said, “Sure you do!” And he expected me to follow him? I didn’t. I couldn’t.

 

You can’t tell persons how they feel. The best you can do is ask them. You can’t tell people to follow you. They will, or won’t, based on whether or not they trust you, and that’s not a cognitive process, it’s a feeling, an emotion.

 

Managers tell. Leaders ask. There’s a time and place for each. Know which is appropriate and do it well.

Until next time, Be GREAT! You ARE!

                                            ¡HEIRPOWER!

bob vásquez!