Having just arrived at this particular assignment, I’m sitting at my desk, minding my own business, for once, when, all of a sudden, this Master Sergeant, whom I’d never met before, walks into my office, slams the door shut, and starts yelling at me. I’m totally taken by surprise. I try to listen, but I’m not used to strangers yelling at me. After all, I’m a Chief! As she continues, I get frustrated pretty quickly and, literally, have to stand up, slam my hands on my desk, and shout above her to “Stand down!” She does, with the look of “Did I just do that?” on her face. I remind her of who I am, and the relationship we should be expressing at the moment, which should be one of mutual respect, and that she was violating that standard. She apologizes, sincerely. I can see it in her face and hear it in her voice. As she calms down, she relates her frustration to me. We had a mutually respectful conversation after that and she eventually left my office on good terms.
Whether you’re in the role of leader or follower or just a person, never, ever, just gripe! It never gets you anywhere. Now, some of you may disagree and support the value of venting. There’s a difference. I looked it up! To gripe, by definition, means to “express a complaint or grumble about something, especially something trivial.” Granted, there’s value in expressing a complaint. What’s not effective is grumbling, especially about something trivial.
Venting, on the other hand, is “giving free expression to (a strong emotion).” We all need to vent sometimes. But there’s a right way so that it doesn’t become griping. As I told that Master Sergeant at the end of our conversation, “If you need to vent, and I’m the person you need to vent to, just please come into my office, close the door in a normal way, and TELL ME that you need to vent. I’ll listen to you. And after you’re done, we’ll both calm down and see if we can find a solution to the problem.”
This admonition has served me well for decades. You’ll have to trust me. Never gripe! If you want to complain about something, be specific, and ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, bring a solution, or ten, with you to the conversation. I’ve been in charge of many people and have been the point man for hearing out people’s complaints. When that happened, I always tried hard to listen empathically, but the value of the conversation was in finding a solution to the problem. Here’s the method: articulate the problem as accurately as you can. That means doing the research. Just because you don’t like it is not a good reason to complain. And, by the way, speak respectfully. Pitch your solutions, emphasizing the end result. “Boss, if we do this, this is what we’ll get from it.” Listen empathically for an honest reply. Almost every time I did this, the solution that the boss and I arrived at was a little different than either of our initial ideas. The boss has a different view. That’s okay. But together you can create a better alternative. It works, I tell ya, it works!
No one, you included, wants to hear gripes. We want to hear solutions. Do the work. Be respectful. It will pay off.
When I left that unit, that same Master Sergeant came by on my last duty day, closed the door gently, and in a very sincere and respectful way told me, “Chief, we had many discussions the past few years, and you sometimes stepped on my toes, but you never messed up my shine.” That’s HEIRPOWER!
Until next time, Be GREAT! You ARE!
¡HEIRPOWER!
bob vásquez!
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