They don't care!

 

It’s 30 March 1985. I’m on the golf course with a few friends. I’m actually playing fairly well. I’d only found three lakes this morning. I suddenly feel my chest hurting and my heart palpitating. It’s almost funny how something like that scares us into thinking even worse than what’s happening. Now, I’m the Acting First Sergeant for my unit. I gotta be tough! You know, the First Sergeant is the toughest guy or gal on the team. Let that seem as it may, I’m hurting. Almost panicking. But I hold my emotions close to my chest. (Yeah, pun intended.) We finish the round and we each head home. I don’t remember what score I got, but I do remember how I felt about what I was going through. You may be able to relate.

 

I have to get through the weekend before I can get to Sick Call. I ain’t going to the ER! No WAY! So, come Monday morning, I go to Sick Call and get seen by a doctor who runs some tests. Actually, a bunch of tests. I’d never been probed like that before. But I’d never had these symptoms either, which are pretty serious, evidently. Eventually, one of the last doctors I see tells me that it’s stress, or stress-related. I’m not sure how he came up with that diagnosis, but it’s what he says. What stress? I kick butt and take names daily! I’m not stressed! By what? By whom? I end up going to all sorts of therapy, usually falling asleep during those sessions. Didn’t help much….

 

What DID help was a five-minute conversation with my supervisor/friend/golfing partner, Dave Griffith. He was a Chief. Rightfully so. The conversation started with, “Sit down and listen….” He was such a quiet guy that starting the conversation like that threw me for a loop. But I complied. He shared his thoughts regarding the diagnosis, which I’d shared with him, and ended with what I found profound and I share with you if you’re in this same situation. What he said was, “They don’t care!” He suggested that maybe I didn’t THINK I was stressed out, but WAS. “What do you think about most of the time, Bob?” he asked me. “The troops!” was my obvious answer. He, again, reiterated, “They don’t care!” That may seem harsh to say, but he went on to explain that while I was investing my time and life thinking about them and how to help them, the thought of how I was doing didn’t even enter their minds. They had their own lives to live and got through them the best they could. They might even take advantage of my caring so much. Now, they may not realize that they were doing that, but they were. 

 

After listening to the Chief and getting my head and heart (yeah, another pun) around what he said, I realized that he was right. I didn’t stop caring less, but I trained myself to not care 24/7 and to do what I could without feeling guilty about what I could not do for my people. 

 

I say this often…if you expect to be an Effective Leader, learn to lead just a few folks at a time. I always suggest four. It’s a sacred number in my culture. If you can lead four who lead four who lead four, your effectiveness will grow exponentially. 

 

It’s not that they don’t care. They will when you have a heart attack. Don’t let yourself go there. Learn to control yourself. You can’t do everything for everyone. Do what you can. And take care of yourself, FIRST!

 

Until next time, be GREAT! You ARE! 

 

HEIRPOWER!

 

Chief bob vásquez!