An Alternative to Feedback!

I’ve always admonished my followers to present an alternative, or ten, whenever they present a complaint. I’m not complaining. Okay, maybe, but not to you or anyone in particular, mostly to, or about, our culture. So, here it goes, but I have a solution….

     Feedback sucks! Yeah, I said it! And you’ve thought it. Even the word itself is demeaning. Think about it. Who do we feed? Those who can’t feed themselves. I can feed myself. I’m pretty sure you can, too. Don’t feed me. Especially, stupid thoughts or ideas that aren’t founded in truth. You know what I mean. And BACK! As in feed…back. I don’t want to go backward. I want to keep moving forward. Don’t you? Now, I’ll admit that looking at how you did things before and assessing how you can improve them now or in the future are valuable, but don’t dwell on the past. Learn from it, but keep striving forward. And I don’t know ANYONE who provides feedback appropriately. Most people, especially those who consider themselves leaders but aren’t, are afraid to be honest with their followers. That’s why they wait so long to tell you what you did wrong and how you can make it right. You know I’m telling you the truth. Alous Huxley said that “we shall know the truth, and it shall make us mad.”

 

    So, what’s my solution? I call it P.I.A. It stands for Personal (Professional) Improvement Advice. Before I break it down, let me give you an overall perspective. Isn’t the intent of what we call feedback really us giving or receiving Personal or Professional Improvement Advice? 

 

    I’m going to almost disagree with a teaching from one of my mentors, Don Miguel Ruiz. Don Miguel is the author of The Four Agreements, which, by the way, is a GREAT book. You should read it. His second agreement is Don’t Take Anything Personally. He’s referring to how we accept advice and feedback (ugly word). Not taking things personally is incredibly difficult for me, and maybe for some of you. Everything we do is personal. For years, one of the most popular buzzwords in our culture has been “ownership.” That’s personal. I almost appreciate the word “ownership.” I do appreciate the meaning. The gist of the meaning, I believe, is that we take responsibility and accountability for what we do and how we do it. Owning who we are by what we do produces our identity. We all have one. Is it what we want it to be? If we take ownership of it, we can create the right identity. Effective Leaders are consistently striving to improve themselves and their followers, which is the second part of PIA. 

 

    Isn’t the intent of feedback to help someone improve? It should be. It isn’t always. I’ve seen too many instances of a person giving someone feedback just to make the receiver feel bad, or to demean them, thinking that it will make the giver superior. It never does that. There’s huge value in helping someone improve. But that takes some mastery of what it is that should be improved. And it also takes some assessment of the reason the person isn’t better to begin with. Most of all, it takes empathy to understand the circumstances of the behavior or action needing improvement. It takes work. Do the work, and then you may provide advice. But you have to share it appropriately.  

 

    Key to providing or receiving advice so that it helps us improve is trust. Have you ever had someone you don’t trust give you advice? How effective was that? Probably not very. One of the characteristics of trust is purpose. As I just noted, if your purpose for sharing advice is to make you look better, it won’t work. If it’s to help that follower better themselves, there’s a better chance it will work. Since you probably haven’t attended my Building Trust seminar, let me tell you that people know pretty quickly whether or not they can trust you. It may take time to build a truly trusting relationship, but the first impression is often accurate. When providing advice to someone, keep in mind that your experience is not their experience. How many times have you heard someone say, or maybe you’ve even said it, “Been there. Done that.” The truth is that you’ve NEVER been there nor done that exactly as they have. NEVER! The world is constantly changing. What you both experienced is not the same. Practice empathy, then share advice if they want it.

 

    I’m still fine-tuning my PIA concept. It’s always personal, even when it’s professional. We all seek to improve our lives in some way. Sincere advice intended to help someone empower themselves to develop their identity can be powerful. I’m convinced that the concept of Personal (Professional) Improvement Advice is a lot more effective than the F word.

    Until next time, 

                    Be GREAT! You ARE!

                                ¡HEIRPOWER!

                                        bob vásquez!

The Person in the Mirror....

It really is all about you! How do you see yourself? 

I recently read a quote about seeing yourself in the mirror. The idea, I guess, is that the mirror will show you who you really are. WAIT! The image in the mirror that I look into is backward! 

Have you ever read something or watched something on the news that really ticks you off? Are you unlike me, and can shrug it off quickly, or does it affect you, maybe even influence you for a while? I, too often, let things bother me for longer than I should, and I probably, okay, for sure I do, take it out on those I live with. So, TURN IT OFF! Don’t read crap! Don’t listen to the news! Get off of social media! There are a lot of good books and websites you can read that will lift you up to become your best self. I’m trying to practice what I preach by listening to some great sounds produced by truly creative people, usually called musicians. I’m trying to create positive energy by listening to and reading positive stuff as opposed to all the negative stuff that I’m bombarded with daily. I know that garbage in, garbage out! Or worse, garbage in, garbage stays! What you see daily is what you’ll eventually become.

Seek the good in the world. There’s a lot of it. I promise! Smell the roses! It’s empowering. Hang out with great people and, in turn, help others become greater than you are! 

Back to that mirror. I’m convinced that mine magnifies the truth. I’m really much thinner than it reflects. No, really! The mirror doesn’t really show you who you are; your actions do. And those actions are the product of your mind and heart working together to produce the real you. How do you see yourself? If you see yourself as a dirtbag, you will become one because you will manifest those traits in your behavior. If you see yourself as a Shining Star with the potential to accomplish whatever you undertake, you will do so, or come a lot closer than the former. Here’s the truth…the Creator set you on this earth to accomplish the things only you can achieve. You can choose to not be your best, I suppose, but what a waste! 

This is the day that you can accomplish more than you ever thought. But you have to envision yourself doing it. Don’t look in the mirror, look into your heart. What one thing can you do today that will fulfill your life’s purpose? DO IT!    

Until next time, Be GREAT! You ARE!

            ¡HEIRPOWER!

bob vásquez!

 

 

If At First You Don’t Succeed….

 

Do you remember the old saying, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again."? The meaning of that phrase was “Don’t quit. Keep trying.” Here’s the deal, though. We usually perceive that phrase to mean keep doing what you’re doing until it works. Well, sometimes it doesn’t. Stephen Covery taught me that “If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.” If that’s working out for you, GREAT! Keep doing it, but if it’s not, don’t keep trying again. Don’t force it.

 

I was honored to serve as the Senior Enlisted Advisor to the Commander of the 92^nd Air Refueling Wing in Spokane Washington, under the leadership of Brigadier General Gary Voellger. What a great leader! The wing was preparing for a major inspection. We did a lot of the right things, but there was this one process that we just couldn’t make work. As we often did in those days (probably hasn’t changed), when a process didn’t work, we did it faster and harder. Force it until it works. Get a bigger hammer! During a senior staff meeting, General Voellger asked about that process. All of the senior officers at the table related to the general why it wasn’t working, and that we’d tried and tried. He asked a simple question that changed everything: “Have you tried something else?” It’s like the heavens opened up. No, we hadn’t. We were going to work harder and faster instead, by God. That was the way.

 

Dr Covey taught that if at first you don’t succeed, find out why, develop a better process, then try again. 

 

Maybe things have changed in the past 40 years, and I’m not telling you anything new. But maybe this simple consideration will change everything. If it does, you’re welcome!

 

Be GREAT! You ARE! HEIRPOWER!

 

bob vásquez!

 

 

The Most Important Thing in the World!

In my Power of Values workshops, I ask participants if they have values. They always answer yes. I ask them to tell me what they are. Crickets…. Most people really don’t know what their values are. They don’t even know what the term “value” means. It means “what’s important.” I always get surprised looks when I share with them that my highest value is ME! OMG! That’s sacrilege! How selfish! GET OVER IT! We’ve been brainwashed into thinking that serving others is the most important thing we can do. NO, it’s NOT! Taking care of ourselves is the most important thing we can do. We cannot give what we do not have. If we don’t take care of ourselves, we’re no good to anyone!

 

I had a friend. I won’t tell you his name because Dave may not appreciate it. He was Deb and my bodyguard at our basketball games. He protected us from terrorists. Me, mostly from officials when I yelled at them. One season, Deb and I missed Dave after not seeing him at several consecutive games. We asked his sub if he was okay. She told us that he’d had a heart attack, but that he was recovering well. OH, CRAP! We hadn’t heard but were concerned for him. A few games later, he was back! Deb and I were grateful to see our friend again. He was smiling! That was good! After big glad-to-see-you’re-okay hugs, we got to talking about what had happened to him. He acknowledged that he’d had a heart attack. “I’m doing well now, though,” he told us. “I’m now on a diet and exercising regularly.” NOW? I didn’t say what I was thinking since it didn’t seem appropriate, but I was thinking, “Maybe you should have done that BEFORE you had a heart attack?!”

 

Hindsight is always twenty-twenty, you know. But we can attempt to practice FOREsight and maybe Insight, so-to-speak.

 

In staying with my admonition to take care of ourselves FIRST, the foundational area of our humanity is the physical. If we don’t take care of our bodies, nothing else matters. There’s a point in our lives where that becomes critical. Actually, it’s ALWAYS critical. We just don’t realize it or often neglect it. Now, let me tell you, I don’t always practice what I preach. But I try. 

 

I’m writing this before you wake up. Here, shortly, I’ll head downstairs to my home gym to work out. I work out six times a week for 80 minutes each time. My regular exercise program isn’t geared toward losing weight, although I wish I could, but more toward maintaining my fitness. I’m so grateful to my friend Dave because he’s often my inspiration to work out. I don’t want to have a heart attack before I start taking care of myself.

 

I’m no expert, but I’ve read plenty on physical fitness that encourages us to work out at least three times a week, twenty to thirty minutes per session. Here are a couple of suggestions if you have trouble getting going: Listening to music helps me INCREDIBLY! Sometimes, I get into the music and don’t even realize that I’m huffing and puffing. It’s more like dancing on that elliptical. I watch videos while I pedal away on that bike-that-goes-nowhere-fast. Again, I get into a zone that makes time go by quicker. Find a Workout Buddy if that helps. There’s an app for that. 

 

My overall point here, again, is that we have to take care of ourselves FIRST, and the first way is through physical fitness. That also includes diet, which I’m terrible at, as well as rest and sleep, which are different. Rest, for me, is solitude and meditation. I do it as often as my Apple Watch tells me to. I told you that there’s an app for that. Although many of my friends don’t believe I sleep, I do. Six hours. That works for me. And when I sleep, I sleep well. Deb would attest to that.

 

Do your best to stay physically fit. It’s the most important thing in the world! In your world. Don’t wait. Start now! I’m heading down to my gym. Gotta take care of myself so that I can take care of others, including you!

 

Until next time, Be GREAT! You ARE!

 

¡HEIRPOWER!

bob vásquez!