They don't care!

 

It’s 30 March 1985. I’m on the golf course with a few friends. I’m actually playing fairly well. I’d only found three lakes this morning. I suddenly feel my chest hurting and my heart palpitating. It’s almost funny how something like that scares us into thinking even worse than what’s happening. Now, I’m the Acting First Sergeant for my unit. I gotta be tough! You know, the First Sergeant is the toughest guy or gal on the team. Let that seem as it may, I’m hurting. Almost panicking. But I hold my emotions close to my chest. (Yeah, pun intended.) We finish the round and we each head home. I don’t remember what score I got, but I do remember how I felt about what I was going through. You may be able to relate.

 

I have to get through the weekend before I can get to Sick Call. I ain’t going to the ER! No WAY! So, come Monday morning, I go to Sick Call and get seen by a doctor who runs some tests. Actually, a bunch of tests. I’d never been probed like that before. But I’d never had these symptoms either, which are pretty serious, evidently. Eventually, one of the last doctors I see tells me that it’s stress, or stress-related. I’m not sure how he came up with that diagnosis, but it’s what he says. What stress? I kick butt and take names daily! I’m not stressed! By what? By whom? I end up going to all sorts of therapy, usually falling asleep during those sessions. Didn’t help much….

 

What DID help was a five-minute conversation with my supervisor/friend/golfing partner, Dave Griffith. He was a Chief. Rightfully so. The conversation started with, “Sit down and listen….” He was such a quiet guy that starting the conversation like that threw me for a loop. But I complied. He shared his thoughts regarding the diagnosis, which I’d shared with him, and ended with what I found profound and I share with you if you’re in this same situation. What he said was, “They don’t care!” He suggested that maybe I didn’t THINK I was stressed out, but WAS. “What do you think about most of the time, Bob?” he asked me. “The troops!” was my obvious answer. He, again, reiterated, “They don’t care!” That may seem harsh to say, but he went on to explain that while I was investing my time and life thinking about them and how to help them, the thought of how I was doing didn’t even enter their minds. They had their own lives to live and got through them the best they could. They might even take advantage of my caring so much. Now, they may not realize that they were doing that, but they were. 

 

After listening to the Chief and getting my head and heart (yeah, another pun) around what he said, I realized that he was right. I didn’t stop caring less, but I trained myself to not care 24/7 and to do what I could without feeling guilty about what I could not do for my people. 

 

I say this often…if you expect to be an Effective Leader, learn to lead just a few folks at a time. I always suggest four. It’s a sacred number in my culture. If you can lead four who lead four who lead four, your effectiveness will grow exponentially. 

 

It’s not that they don’t care. They will when you have a heart attack. Don’t let yourself go there. Learn to control yourself. You can’t do everything for everyone. Do what you can. And take care of yourself, FIRST!

 

Until next time, be GREAT! You ARE! 

 

HEIRPOWER!

 

Chief bob vásquez!

 

Where’s the melody?

 

I’m a musician by training. I led many bands during my time as such. It really doesn’t take a musician to understand the importance of the melody of a song though. It’s what makes the song a song. It’s what you whistle while you work.

 

Whenever I rehearsed the bands that I led I tried to emphasize the importance of the melody vice the supporting elements like harmony, rhythm, and other parts of a piece of music. Notice that I used the term “supporting” for the other elements of a song. If the “supporting” parts of a song overpower the melody, you may not even recognize the song. 

 

Similarly, in order to have a cohesive, successful team, team members have to understand their place on the team at the time. Most of the members are supporting members and there’s one singing the melody, the leader. That may be you! Or someone else. You’ve heard it, even if you didn’t notice it, when all the members of a singing group are singing at the top of their lungs. They’re all trying to be the star. That never works. 

 

As the leader, especially as an Effective Leader, it’s imperative that you train your people to be supporting members. We usually call them followers. If you noticed, I mentioned that people have to understand their place “at the time.” At. The. Time. An effective team will be made up of people who know when to follow and when to lead, and to play that role as needed. 

 

I love hearing a singing group where the melody is right up front, and the harmony is barely there. The harmony and other supporting parts are important, but what’s critical is the melody. Where’s the melody?

 

Until next time, be GREAT! You ARE!

 

HEIRPOWER!

 

Chief bob vásquez!

 

Beginner's Luck

My friend, Wendy LugoSantiago, recently posted a very powerful thought on Linkedin: “Don’t be afraid to be a beginner.” There are two concepts that I think are important here. The first is “powerful.” We usually regard effective leaders as powerful. We assume that they have, even own, power. Sure…. Power is the capacity to be effective. We believe that leaders have power. Well, maybe. Maybe not! Who really has power? Who has the capacity to be effective? Everyone! Especially followers! The only real power leaders have is the ability to inspire their followers to follow. That’s powerful!

 

The other concept is “beginner.” We often think that great leaders know everything. NOT! The truly great leaders know that they don’t know. They know that they don’t know what they don’t know. They know how to lead with a beginner’s mind. They’re willing to learn and to inspire those under their charge who DO know, to lead. As THEY lead, the leader becomes the follower, which is even more powerful. Yeah. It’s a paradox. But life is a paradox.

 

Here’s the bottom line. Actually, it’s the TOP line. (Another paradox.) If you aspire to be an Effective Leader, be a beginner. Develop and practice continuous learning. There’s no way in the world that you can know everything. Someone knows something that you don’t. We usually call them our followers. And if it’s something that will make you and your team more effective, learn from them, and step back and let them lead.  

 

I titled this lesson based on another concept, “beginner’s luck.” If you’re already a leader, or you eventually become one, realize that there’s no such thing as luck when it comes to leading, especially others. It takes work. Sometimes, a LOT of work. But that’s what makes it fun. Especially when things work out. Thomas Jefferson said, "I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.” 

 

You want to be a PowerPact Leader? Inspire your followers to empower themselves. Don’t fear being a beginner. And work on creating the luck you’ll need to succeed.

 

Until next time, be GREAT! You ARE!

                        

                        ¡HEIRPOWER!

                                                                                      

Chief bob vásquez!

  

The Best Way to Find a Blessing….

 

According to AI (It did the research for me.) “In essence, to be "blessed" means to be in a state of divine favor, receiving good things and experiencing happiness, contentment, and a sense of well-being, often attributed to a higher power or a fortunate circumstance.” The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines a blessing as “God's favor and protection.” Ok, before you get all curled up like a snake, let me tell you that I’m not proselytizing here, nor are these thoughts “necessarily” religious. But, leading effectively truly is spiritual, when you think about it. Do that…think about it….

 

 

Here's my most powerful thought of the day: The best way to find a blessing is to be one! Yeah, someone smarter than I probably already shared that with you, but it bears repeating. So let me repeat it: The best way to find a blessing is to be one!

 

What are you looking for in a leader? Not a manager. Two different functions. What are you looking for in someone you look up to as a leader?  Isn’t that person someone who helps you achieve or “receive good things and experience happiness, contentment, and a sense of well-being?” There may be some other criteria, but these are some. And when that person who I see as a leader does that for me, I’m more willing to follow them. Way more than someone who DOESN’T help me get those things. 

 

And an Effective Leader, a GREAT Leader, doesn’t just help me get those things, he or she helps me feel that sense of well-being. I see that as trust. That person who makes me feel that I can trust him or her, who “has my back,” is the person I’m going to follow. Which, by the way, is the ONLY criterion for being a leader, that you have a follower.

 

I don’t know how you feel, better, I hope, but it seems to me that we need more blessings in this crazy world we’re a part of right now. We can sit around, wringing our hands and waiting for them to appear, or we can make them happen. We can be a blessing to others, especially our followers, even to ourselves. It takes a sense of purpose, which, in many lives is spiritual. Blessing others isn’t logical, particularly when it’s purposeful, for their betterment, which probably makes the world better. I’m all for making a better world.

 

Your followers deserve a blessing. Today. Right now! You can wait and hope that they receive one. OR you can be one. Right now! Do think about it. The best way to find a blessing is to be one!

 

HEIRPOWER!

 

bob vásquez!

Born or made?

 

Today’s my birthday! (Thanks!) I’m pondering the age-old question, “Are leaders born or made?” The obvious answer, of course, is YES!  We were all born and we each lead, at least ourselves. Some people, however, were born with the innate talents to lead others. Evidently, I’m one of those. I’ve always led. ALWAYS! Even when I didn’t want to. 

 

While still serving in the United States Air Force, my family and I had just moved to Germany. We were living in Lohnsfeld, near Sembach Air Base. I’d been involved with the Base Chapel at several of the bases where we’d previously been assigned. I heard that the Protestant Chapel Leadership Team was meeting the coming Tuesday, so I decided to attend and offer my help. I knew no one in the community. Not a person. As I said, we’d just arrived. 

                        

All of the folks at the meeting greeted me with respect and courtesy. They even invited me to sit at the table with them. I soon found out that most of the leadership team was returning to the States, so they were looking for new leaders. Being the new guy, I couldn’t refer anyone to any of the positions that they were intending to fill. I just didn’t know anyone yet.

 

I had to go pee, so I excused myself and went to the bathroom. When I returned, the entire group was smiling. They’d just elected me the new president! I didn’t even know these people and they made me their leader. Just like that!

 

I ended up leading that group for about six years. Every year or two I would suggest getting new leadership in to give us a fresh perspective and give others the opportunity to lead. They wouldn’t hear of it. “You’re our leader, Chief,” they would admonish me. I had to leave the country to quit that job. Don’t get me wrong. I enjoyed working with all of the folks involved in that small church. We were like family. 

 

Leading is about choosing to help someone. It’s about stepping up to that opportunity when someone needs help or support. If you’re a born leader, don’t fight it, just do it as best you can. If you aspire to lead, just do it as best you can. Regardless of whether you were born to lead or are learning to do so, just help each other. That’s what’s important.

 

HEIRPOWER!

 

bob vásquez! 

The Motivation Myth....

 

One of the questions leaders are constantly asking each other is “How do you motivate your followers?” You DON’T! You CAN’T! They’re ALREADY motivated! To do what they’re already doing. The question within that question is “How do I get my followers to do what I want them to do?” That’s a different question. 

Here’s an example of how we can’t motivate others because they’re already motivated. My family and I are at the mall (a place with a lot of stores where people used to go to shop for stuff before the internet existed) in Moreno Valley, California. It used to be one of our favorite pastimes. Now, we just order from amazon. Anyway, Deb, Tesa, Elyse, and I are at the mall, just looking around. We’re in some store in which Elyse, about six-years-old, decides she wants something. She HAS to have it! “No you don’t,” I tell her. She has a fit! She’s crying and screaming at the top of her lungs that she wants it! I can’t do anything but take her out of the store. It was pretty embarrassing.

I take Elyse out to the mall and start to motivate her to stop her crying. She continues on. At the time I was the Commandant of the Noncommissioned Officer Academy at March Air Force Base. I was THE expert on leadership, as per my title, which, of course, included motivation. I give her my best stuff, citing motivation development theories and sharing examples, etc. She has nothing to do with it. 

Eventually, I get so frustrated that I decide to take her out to the car. As I take her arm, she goes limp. COMPLETELY limp! I catch her before she falls to the ground. Have you ever noticed that many drunk drivers who collide with something, including another vehicle, often survive without a scratch? Why is that? Because they’re so limp, they go with the flow. What will hurt you worse than anything when you take a fall is that your first inclination is to fight it, to become rigid. That’s how you break a wrist, an arm, or some other limb. As I try to pick her up, Elyse turns into a glob of Jello. She’s not motivated to do what I wanted her to do. She’s already motivated to do what SHE wants to do and does!

We CAN’T motivate others! They’re already motivated! But the question remains…How do I get my followers to do what I want them to do? You INSPIRE them to motivate themselves to do what you want them to do, and, hopefully, what they SHOULD do. That takes knowing them and investing time and effort in helping them grow by developing trust. You develop trust by being trustworthy.

Your followers may not do what you tell them to do but they will do what you do. Do what’s right. As I said in my book titled, What I Learned From Dad Made Me a Better Man!, “We cannot teach character. We cannot teach leadership. The best we can do is show it. People will then follow.”

The best way to inspire others is by being inspirational. That takes knowing them and encouraging them to be THEIR best. Someone shared a powerful thought with me recently: “Stop expecting YOU from other people.” Help them be them. That will inspire them to follow you. Then they’ll motivate themselves to do what they need to do.

Until next time, Be GREAT! You ARE!

¡HEIRPOWER!

bob vásquez!

Don't Change the World!

 

Surely, you’ve read or heard Gandhi’s famous saying, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” Although that’s a powerful admonishment, at the risk of sounding cynical, I’m not sure how much of a change any of us can make to the world. One of my most favorite teachers said what I do believe is possible, though. St Francis of Assis said, “Don’t try to change the world. Change worlds.”

 

You see, we all, really each, live in our very own world. Yeah, we may live around, and with, other people who we affect by our behavior and attitude, but the only person who really lives your life is you. We, each, are the same in that respect, as we are different. 

 

After I retired, my mom would always encourage me to move back to New Mexico, where I grew up and where she lived. It broke my heart to explain to her that that world wasn’t my world anymore. First, it was incredibly hot down there and I don’t do hot anymore. But the culture, the environment, the people, even she and my siblings were different than those I lived with for fifty-plus years. It just wasn’t my world anymore. My world had changed. I wasn’t comfortable there, but I was where I lived.

 

If you aspire to be an Effective Leader, consider, especially when you’re mentoring, coaching, or guiding your followers, that they each live in their own world. It’s probably different than yours. And what works in your world may or may not work in theirs. 

 

I don’t have to tell you how important empathy is in your dealings with others. The essence of empathy is understanding. Just that. Not sympathizing, just understanding. Take time to observe each of your followers and try to imagine what their world must be like. You won’t succeed in knowing what it’s like, but you’ll get closer than by not trying. The more you know about their world, the better decisions you’ll make, and the more positive impact you’ll be able to have on them. 

 

We all live in our own little world, and as little as it may be, or seem to be, it’s our very own. Lead knowing that. By positively affecting your followers’ worlds, you will likely change the world. 

 

Until next time, be GREAT! You ARE!

 

HEIRPOWER!